Star - crossed
by guren666
Summary: After almost killing an innocent, Anders had an argument with the elf that escalated into a quasi fight and he told his secret to the bewildered former slave. And now, Hawke wants them to go with her on a mission. She is one evil woman. Fenders, obviously. Don't like the pairing - don't click then. Rated M for the second chapter and swearing.
1. Star - crossed

Star – crossed

After Ser Alrik died and I almost killed the innocent girl were it not for Hawke... I'd be long gone from Kirkwall. The most that hurt was the look on the elf's face. I wanted to change, but taking in a Fade spirit changed me entirely. I never should have let Justice merge with me. Now I am an abomination, just like Fenris said. To hear it from his tongue, almost spitting the words out, disgusted... I couldn't take it. I ran back to my clinic.

Darktown, Anders's clinic...

I knew it was a coward's way out. My entire life I was on the run – from Circle, Wardens... and now my feelings. My shaking couldn't be stopped. I almost killed an innocent because I am weak. I searched through the few things I had when I left the Wardens. "Keep... keep... trash, trash... won't be needing that anymore..." I mumbled, distracted. Justice alerted me that I wasn't alone. I didn't dare turn – for I knew it was Hawke, trying to persuade me to stay, that it wasn't my fault. She's a good woman, that Hawke. She and Warden Cousland are the only ones who saw in him something different than a mage... and a menace.

"Anders." The stern, unfriendly voice caused me to turn head abruptly. I expected Hawke, Varric... anyone but him. He was alone. "Where is Hawke?" I asked, cautiously. His eyes sharpened when I mentioned Hawke. "She is busy with cleaning up after your "Tranquil Solution" suicide mission. I don't know why I tagged along. I thought it was to keep an eye on you, but since you're a walking ticking bomb, you're too dangerous." He made a few steps forward and I knew what this meant- I am to be put down like a rabid dog. The irony of this situation. My staff wasn't far away, it was laying on an empty cot, where I left it when I rushed back to clinic. My gaze flickered from the elf to my staff. He caught glimpse of the staff and snorted, picking it up and throwing it in my face. "Fight me with all your might, abomination. I won't show mercy. Hawke is wrong about you. I won't let you endanger anyone."

Abomination. Apostate.

Monster.

That's all I was. Ever will be. Despite my attempts to change, I cannot change who I am. Why can't I change? If we must fight, then it can't be avoided. I tried so many, many countless times to persuade him of the injustice the Circle and Chantry poses on mages, just because we exist. We are tolerated, barely. We escape to live as we please and then we're hunted down just for wanting to be free like any other men. It't not right. Nothing is about this. Why should Fenris and I fight?

"Fenris. I won't fight you."

He was six feet away, glaring at me, his greatsword was still red from the blood when it cut down templars. He drew it, facing me. "Don't mock me. This isn't about your idealizm or my beliefs anymore. You cannot control that demon that you conveniently call a "spirit". Admit it, damned mage!" He growled at me.

I was at loss of words. I felt power surging from the depths. It was Justice... or better Vengeance. The blue cracks appeared. He was taking control over lately my body more often. I can't let Vengeance hurt Fenris. I knelt down and exhaled deeply several times, the spirit was subsiding back into the depths, where it belonged. I hardly got up on my two feet, stumbling a bit, but I regained my footing. "This is where you're wrong, Fenris. It's exactly about that. You still don't get it, do you?"

"What should I get, mage? That your defenses against that demon are pathetic, just as you are? You think that when you help few people in this rat hole, you're a saint? You do it for your vanity, mage. So that you can sleep better at night."

He was provoking me, I knew it. Did I really do it for that? Saving refugees, orphans, mothers and children, wounded laborers just so I could feel better? "I had to save them. No one else would in this Maker forsaken city."

Fenris scoffed, shifting his weight, circling around me. He was closing in, slowly but surely.

"I don't care for your reasoning nor for your mage's plight. Fight me and die with dignity."

I swirled the staff, the power imbuing me, bellowing. Why can't we see eye to eye? We're so alike. We both want our freedom. And I wanted something of him. Apparently, he still had no idea why I so firmly and constantly talked with him over mages, freedom and the Chantry abuse. It was no different than slavery in Tevinter.

He charged at me, with full force. I activated the spell I used scarcely – and had yet to use it on a living being. I only practiced it at Circle, when I was younger. But I remembered the process of incantation. The tip of staff hit the ground, releasing a soft greenish aura. Fenris wasn't looking what I was doing and that was his mistake. If he did, he could easily dodge the trap I laid out for him. He stepped into the Glyph of Paralysis, instantly rendering him motionless.

"What did you do to me, mage!" He snapped at me, rightfully so.

I approached him, taking in his facial expression filled with disgust and distrust and... betrayal.

"Don't toy with me. Kill me and be done with it. I knew Hawke should have never trusted you. A mage will always remain a mage." He snarled. My clumsy fingers cupped his face and he looked earnestly surprised by my action – or the touch. Maybe both.

"You don't get it. More than anything, except my freedom, I wanted your approval. I won't harm you. Or Hawke. Or anyone. It's a promise. Should I break it, you're free to strike me down. I'd welcome death at your blade sooner than a templar's."

His eyes widened.

I walked a few feet away from him, turning my back on him, then I hit the end of staff to the ground again, two times releasing him from the binding spell. He staggered towards me and halted in his tracks. Hesitation?

I stayed there, waiting for his sword or fist grabbing hold of my heart and ending my life. Painful long seconds passed. I didn't dare to turn and face him after that bold confession on my part. It was surely disgraceful for him to be loved by a mage. The very people that ruined his old life and forced this new existence on him. Then, he just up and left, leaving me standing in the dust, abandoned.

My knees buckled from the suppressed feelings that overwhelmed me at once. It was too much for me. I didn't move for several minutes, the heartache I felt was immense. Footsteps, Justice alerted me, stay sharp. I rose up and traipsed to the cot, where I put the staff on it, again. I massaged my temples, sighing. I was greeted by the sight of a worried woman strolling inside. "Anders, thank the Maker you're here. I wasn't sure I'd find you here... alive. I met Fenris on the way. He looked much more broody than ever. Did you two have a fight?"

I laughed nervously. "In a manner of speaking. What are you doing here, Hawke? Checking up on me if I didn't resort to suicide or maybe blood magic?"

She shook head, approaching me. She put a hand on my shoulder. "Anders, I know you won the battle with Justice. I called out to you, but it was you who stopped in the last second. Evil people don't think twice before murdering innocents. Don't dwell on it." She soothed me with her calming voice. But it wasn't enough. It's not her I wanted to say those words.

"Easier said than done, Hawke. When I see templars now, this hate bubbles up and I lose all my control, all my senses, only this blind rage and veangeance remain. I am not sure it's wise to socialize with me, Hawke. Ser Alrik was a fucking sadist that deserved to die, but I don't want to hurt anymore. If I hurt you or our friends – I ask that you kill me. If I cannot sustain full control of my body and mind, strike me down. Promise me, Hawke."

She didn't aswer, only pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from her pouch, giving it to me. "Maybe this will convince you that our cause is not lost yet and you will win our struggle." I took the paper, reading its contents. It was bearing the seals of grand cleric Elthina, Meredith and Divine herself. They all rejected Alrik's "Tranquil Solution." I was in awe from what I read. All three believed it to be inhuman to do it on all the mages in the world. My cause was still alive, as was I. I crumpled the note again. "Hawke. Thank you for showing me this. It means we still have a chance to change the world and the perception of mages by common people without magic. I will think on this." She smiled at me. "I won't abandon you, Anders. You're my friend. But you wish it wasn't me here with you, encouraging you, but him. Am I right?"

She found out. And I thought I hid it well. "Ah, don't worry. I won't tease you. But you're quite the masochist for choosing the broody elf. Why not... I don't know... Isabela or haha.. Maker's balls – Varric! You're best friends with him. Bianca would object... hmm. Point taken."

Hawke always found a way to get me feel worse and then better in one sentence. It was a talent of hers. Or effect she had on friends.

"At any rate... give him some time. Whatever you argued about, it must have been important. He'll come around eventually. And accept you."

I nodded. "Thank you. You're a wonderful friend. I appreciate your concern and good intented words."

She grinned. "Nah, you know me. I am keeping an eye on my team. And I cannot lose the team's only healer. It would be a pain to find another mage who could achieve such miracles with magic like you. I mean - who would up with all the shit and dismemberments? Oh wait. It's not Tuesday, it is?" She said another overused joke I heard many times in the camps we made in wilderness. Hawke turned on her heels, waving. "See you tomorrow, Anders. We're heading for the Bone Pit. The bastard Hubert wants me to investigate why the shipments stopped coming."

I cracked a smile finally, despite the slight fatigue that washed over me suddenly. I had to sit down.. and think about many things. Patients will come some time later this evening, I think. I had time to recuperate. "Right. See you, Hawke."

She was gone and I was alone with the thoughts and doubts in my head. Freedom, mage's rights... Fenris.

I shook my head as if I could make the useless thoughts go away like some nasty annoying flies, buzzing. It worked.

I went for the pestle and mortar. Elfroot was grated. Creating potions for my patients always had a calming effect on me. Added some water from the water supply crate Hawke brought fortnight ago. Now to another poultice. Before I knew it, the soft knocking on the door indicated my patients needed me.

"Come in."

The evening was gonna be long, but the night when I am alone will be restless.

I hoped that Hawke would have enough graces and brain not to take Fenris to Bone Pit tomorrow afer our little scuffle. But, as I knew her, it's exactly what she would do. I groaned, annoyed.

Andraste's flaming knickers, why did I agree to accompany her this time? She swayed me into agreeing.

The patients needed me. Time to put personal worries aside.

I was a healer now.


	2. Say no more, mage

Say no more, mage

 _ **WARNING! Steamy parts that will probably make you cringe or drool ahead. Plus plenty of swearing.**  
_

For all that is sacred, I had a migraine since yesterday. Sweet Maker, have mercy on me. The door was mercilessly banged. Repeatedly. Who had the audacity to disturb me at this hour – either templars, patients or...

"Get your lazy bum in motion, Anders! We're heading for the Bone Pit."

Hawke. The woman was relentless as the banging didn't stop. I groaned in minor irritation. Truth be told, I didn't sleep much, my mind wandered to the "fight" I had yesterday with Fenris. I rose up, filled a cup with the water from the pitcher and drank. However, Hawke invited herself in without my consent, as always. I sighed, putting the half -empty cup on the small table. She strutted towards me, in tow with Varric and...

Him.

My day couldn't begin any better. Thanks, Hawke.

My gaze dropped at her, almost accusingly. "You're here." It was a statement she countered with a wicked grin. "You should try new locks. These are remarkably easy to pick. But nevermind that now. We have the team for today's adventure. High time to set out." I narrowed my brows. "Have I no say it this? What if I have work with my... friends? You know what I mean, Hawke."

She was taken back by that. "Do you have to meet them today?"

Sadly, no. I'd rather go with them than to the blasted Bone Pit with Fenris who still yet had to settle on a facial expression. It changed in a matter of second while he looked around. He snorted. "The locks are easy to pick, no traps... do you want to actually get caught, mage?"

"Lest you have forgotten this is a clinic . I can't have patients step into traps all over the place." His demeanor shifted and he turned to leave. "If you're set on getting captured, be my guest, mage, but don't drag Hawke or us down with you."

I gritted my teeth. "Don't worry. I'll try my best to get killed when neither of you are present." I almost spit out the words. So, my foolish confession yesterday meant nothing to him, as expected. The dwarf glanced from me, to Fenris like he watched a match of wallop mallet, clearly amused. Then he looked at Hawke, who laughed, albeit nervously. "We've wasted enough time, let's go. And you have to go, Anders. I don't want to carry Varric or Fenris back bridal style, half -dead because we had no skilled healer with us." Varric chuckled, probably picturing it and I could hear how Fenris rolled his eyes and grunted. She had a point there. If they got seriously hurt, they'd all wound up here anyway... all except Fenris. He never came for help, even after Hawke's insistence and nagging. The stubborn elf...

I sighed heavily. "Fine. I will regret it, but lead on. Just let me get my staff." I headed for my inner personal room, where I picked up my staff and closed as in locked the door, stashing the miniature key in my pockets. The elf went outside the clinic already, waiting for us. I didn't like Varric' all too much knowing smug he now had plastered for me to view. Hawke didn't help either as she chuckled when the dwarf whispered something to her and she giddily patted his shoulder. Why did I have a feeling it involved me and the angsty elf standing outside, ogling us rather badly, like he was about to murder someone?

Varric and Hawke moved finally and the elf was walking ahead of them. I chose to stay on the end of our group. Safest that way. For my sanity and I valued my life too much to be killed by an enraged elven warrior who could shove his fist through a man's chest. Somehow, we made it outside the Darktown without the usual fights around here – Coterie, slavers etc. Thank the Maker for that at least. I breathed the fresh air – as fresh as it could get, letting out the smell of vomit, piss and Maker knows what else. Still better smell than the depths of Darktown or the smuggler's dens.

* * *

Three hours later, Bone Pit...

The smell of death was all over the place, stenching up the whole area. It smelled of rotting, burned flesh and despair. "Only fools linger in this place. It smells of death." The deep grumpy voice on the left commented when we reached an entrance to one of the mining shafts. Hawke grinned one last time, glancing over her shoulder as she went inside first. The dwarf was second and I eyed the elf who was reluctant to step inside the blighted mine. Not that I was all – tingle about it. I was here for my friends who always managed to get me involved in their little adventures. I detested dump, narrow tunnels since Deep Roads, but did Hawke ever listen to me? No, because I was invaluable to the team. Yes, that's the word. She somehow reminded me of the Warden Cousland. Both had the talent to drag me down to fucking dark caves filled with filth ranging from darkspawn to undead and finally all kinds of people who wanted us dead for this or that reason. Ah, how nice it was to be friends with Hawke. I am sure others felt the same sometimes. I gazed to the left and and sour expression the elf was displaying cleared my suspicions. With what did she bribe the elf to come here?

It didn't go unnoticed however. Fenris pursed his lips and his eyebrows and nose wrinkled. "Avert you gaze, mage. I won't have you staring overlong." It sounded like a warning? Hawke was deeper in, so she didn't catch his words, but Varric did. The ever meddling dwarf stepped between us. "Look, Broody and Blondie. I appreciate you wanting to give me material for my new book, but this isn't exactly a walk in a park. We don't know what killed the poor sods here. Bicker and flirt when we're out of here."

I was perplexed at Varric's suggestive words, aimed at us. He thought me and...?

"He's a nuisance, Varric, not a love interest. If I had a love interest, it wouldn't be a fucking mage." He snarled, resuming to walk and going after Hawke who scouted ahead.

Fucking mage, am I? Fine. Hawke was right. I turned into a freaking masochist by gaining affections for this grumpy and brooding elf. I resolved myself to keep quiet. Varric threw a sympathetic glance my way. I shook my head in dismissal. The elf's words cut deep into me with every quarrel we've had. Sometimes I wondered why I couldn't get rid of the overbearing void in my heart.

I was lost in thoughts and I bumped into Varric who suddenly stood still. Something was there. I felt it, too. A shadowy figure appeared on the cave's walls and I held in my breath. The giants wings, the posture and the long, long neck... It was a mature dragon. Andraste's great flaming arse... we've stumbled upon a dragon's nest! It looked like the freaking Archdemon, no less. It was just a normal dragon, as I didn't detect any darkspawn. And where there's one... there are bound to be... . Wait... where were Hawke and Fenris? I silently mouthed my question to the dwarf and he gestured towards the far end stairs deeper in. What are we gonna do? Me and Varric weren't enough to take down a monstrosity on our own. I had confidence in our skills, but I wasn't a fool. The dragon would take us down sooner than we could say well, shit.

We had no choice but sneak past it. With luck, it won't notice us. Varric shouldn't have a problem with staying hidden, but I was no rogue. I tried to be stealthy in the past and it only led to more trouble. I shook my head. "Varric. Go and get them. I'll stay here and try to be as silent as possible. We take it on when we're a full party." I whispered my plan to him, but he didn't approve. "Blondie, you're crazy. I can't leave you alone. What if it has some minions with it in the side passages? It's a matter of time before you're found out."

"And that is why you should hurry and bring Hawke and Fenris here. Hopefully, they haven't run into dragons as well. I'll stay hidden behind this pillar." I pointed to the southwestern section of the underground room. Varric then nodded shortly and left to get our backup further in. Once he was gone from my field of vision, I exhaled deeply and tip -toed to the pillar, halting to look at the dragon's shadow every few steps. I am afraid stealth was outside my field of expertise. I tripped over a damned pebble and fell face first on the ground. I didn't dare to move or make a sound.

I didn't hear anything, only the dragon's calm loud breathing as it probably slumbered. It was a miracle my stupid tumble didn't wake the beast up. I could hear Justice's ranting about my clumsiness in the back of mind. It can't be helped – light source might alert the dragon of my location. I cocked my head to side, staring at the shadowy figure, unmoving. I should get to the pillar, as I said. From there, I can easily spot Varric and others coming and they can see me. I crawled, minding my pouches and potions stored in them. Once reaching it, I changed from crawling to kneeling down, my staff ready in hand, in case the three stormed the scene and decided to take catch the high dragon off guard. It was more than likely. I knew Hawke and Varric too well. The elf might just agree to hurl himself into danger. I swear to Maker, Hawke and her companions would all be long dead were it not for me. They should be more careful, even when I am around. I can't do everything, despite harboring a spirit inside me.

My friends tended to forget that fact.

Speaking of them, I saw the alluring silhouettes of my friends approaching. I held in breath. They were coming too fast... I knew it. The dragon however, felt their intentions sooner than they entered. It woke up and roared, getting up on all four and turning to face the corridor from which they had to appear any moment now. I had to cover for them. I hurled a frost spell Winter's Grasp at it, directing it at the flaming mouth. It worked momentarily. Its jaws broke the solid ice apart and it turned to me, its fire glands glowing dark red. I saved my reckless friends – who'll save me now? Simple answer. The dragon breathed fire at me and in split second I activated a shield that guarded me from the worst of the damage, but the heat still got to me – I'll have to look at the burns later... now... the dragon was closing in, the sharp claws threatening me. It slashed in the wind, I barely escaped, rolling aside. I mimicked Hawke's moves, rather poorly.

I would really appreciate if they finally reached the damned room and lent me a fucking hand. The dragon repeated its claws attacks. I dodged three successfully, the fourth caught up with me, slashing into my left arm. "Shit! HAWKE! FENRIS! VARRIC! GET YOUR ASSES HERE!" I screamed from the top of my lungs, mighty angry. The steps were getting louder. It hit me in the gut with the front arm – or leg and gravity forced me to land on the far end, hitting the rock wall, resulting in me dropping my staff. I was falling to the ground, but I was caught. The robust hands and the crossbow corrected me it was indeed the dwarf. "Blondie, you okay?" He asked me.

"You're late! Five minutes more and I am dragon food!"

He helped me stand up properly and handed me my weapon. "Sorry about that. Had to take care of a dozen dragonlings." He threw a a fiery flask at the dragon and fired multiple bolts at it. In the meantime, the two heroes decided to help us, launching a double assault on it from both sides. They both cut in deep, darkened blood pouring from its sides. It was weakening.

I directed a barrage of lighting spells, helping how I could from the distance. Varric's bolts found the wounds the Fenris and Hawke created, the bolts piercing and sticking into the spots. The beast roared out in apparent pain. Its pupils widened. It was dying and now the most dangerous. It moved, too fast. Casting spells took a toll on my body and I was momentarily dazed, unable to move. It was nearing me. I could hear my friends shouts to move away, run. I could see the dragon's sharp, long teeth when it opened its mouth...

A sword was stuck up donward in its gigantic mouth. It was his sword. How did he make it here so fast? The dragon wasn't done yet. It fired fireblasts at the cave ceiling before it fell, dead. A cave – in! Fucking dragons! He swiftly took his greatsword out and glanced at me, his expression sour.

I still couldn't move much. A loud grunt and a strong grip made me realize that I was saved by the elf, who could have just left there, considering our not so great relations in the past. He grabbed me and jumped from harm's way with me in his grip. He let go of me. The rubble blocked the path. We were separated from Hawke and Varric. Some distant pounding could be heard, then Hawke's distressed calling out to us soon afterwards. "Anders?! Fenris?! Are you alive?! Answer me!"

I was relieved. I came closer, ignoring Fenris's grumpy, unhappy look. "We are alive, Hawke! How about you and Varric?" I yelled out loud. The fucking rubble would take weeks to move safely. I didn't dare even suggest to use my magic on it – I knew next to nothing about force magic. I gaped back at elf and noticed a wound on his right thigh. Oh, shit. "We'll find our way out ourselves, the exit from which we came is near... I fear we won't reach you. Can you find another way out on your own? Can you walk?" Hawke asked of us. Fenris made a step and hissed in pain. "Y- yes! I won't die in a dark cave with a mage by my side. We'll meet up in Kirkwall in a few hours... maybe a day. We will make it."

Silence. Probably Hawke and Varric thinking of the ways the elf can kill me if I just slightly piss him off. I know what he's capable of. But I am no gentle flower. I won't give him a reason to kill me... at least try not to. Varric's voice of reason made me question my resolve not to piss off even accidentally the elf. "Just... don't fight between yourselves, okay? We need you both to survive. So try not to rile each other up. You hear me, Blondie? Broody?" His voice flew as if through a great distance.

"I'll hold off on mage's plight comments, Varric. I am not suicidal." I told him honestly. Then, they left the other side of the rubble, heading for the exit. I turned to Fenris and approached him, warily. "Let us move and find a place where I can patch us up. We're in no traveling shape as it is." I was right – his leg bore an ugly wound and my left arm wasn't off any better. He scoffed. "I am fine." He retorted back to my well -meaning suggestion. "Oh, really? Can you make a single step without wincing at pain? I have to treat it or later you can just chop off your own leg. Infection is a scary, scary thing, Fenris."

"Festis bei umo canavarum... " He said something in Tevene, knowing I didn't know what he said. Tricky elf. I lent him my shoulder, inviting him to grab on. He very reluctantly held on and let me help him walk. His pained grimace informed me that maybe the dragon's claws were infused with something sinister... perhaps some neural poison of sort? At any rate, we have to find a place where I can heal him. "I should be able to handle the pain!" He mumbled under his breath. "We need to get to a safe place where I can dress your wound."

"I don't need _your_ magic!" The wound was bleeding more intensely and he lost his balance for a moment. Good thing I was holding him, then. He groaned softly. "Kaffas..." Probably a swear. I heard my share of swear words to know this was one of them. "Are you alright?" I asked of him, it was now my inner healer instinct asking. I... hoped.

He looked away, taking in air sharply before he exhaled. "I'm sorry. It's hard for me to admit I am in your debt, mage. Without you, we'd be all dead. We were reckless and foolish. When we're back in Kirkwall, I'll have a talk with Hawke about subtlety and carefulness." Somehow, I had a hard time picturing that or that the woman would take the elf's words to heart. She rarely did take anything seriously. But really, the elf was infuriating me with his "mage" thing. I had a name, thank you.

"It's not "mage", Fenris. I'm Anders." He gazed at me with his big, bright green eyes as if he saw me for the first time. He chuckled and we moved towards the only way we had available now – deeper in, hoping we wiped the last of the dragons out and the rest of cave will be a piece of cake. We reached a two way crossroad and before it two bigger rocks next to each other. Perfect. "I will sit you down now on that rock." I said beforehand, in case he would protest. He nodded and with my help settled on the rock. I bent down, taking a few vials out of my pouch. One contained a herbal mixture of seven different healing herbs, three imported from Antiva and Nevarra. Contacts with Hawke had benefits.

But now, I had to gain access to the wound, meaning he had to undress. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd see him naked... half naked. Given circumstances, the Maker had a sense of humor I quite didn't grasp yet. "You probably won't like this, but I need you to take off your... leggins. His reaction was priceless as he suddenly stood up and I forced him to sit down, I noted the red that rushed to his cheeks. "Come on. I am a healer for fuck's sake. Trust me on this." My persuasion worked because after bitter two minutes of pregnant silent, he sighed and started to undress, looking everywhere but at me. His lyrium tattoos reached all the way to his ankles. They were...beautiful. Stay focused. Think of him as a patient in need of healing.

With the greaves off, I could estimate the depth of the wound. I knew the elf detested any physical contact, but this had to be done. "Hm.. this looks like a nasty scrape. It's as I though. Good things these herbs can neutralize the poison. Don't move now." I said softly, rubbing the mixture on my hands and pressing them to the wound, imbuing it simultaneously with my healing magic. I was focusing on the magic pouring from my fingertips, closing and cleansing the wound, too occupied to notice sooner that I was stared at by those unbelievably green eyes. When our gazes met, he looked away instantly. I was nearly finished. Just some more... and it was done.

As I expected, I was drained now of all my mana, even with Justice's support I was still a mortal man, like any other. I rummaged through my pouches while Fenris put on his greaves, watching me. "What are you doing? You should heal yourself, you look miserable."

I pouted at him. "This is what a healer gets, is it? Being laughed at for saving a person in distress?"

"Stop being so damned fussy, mage. I said to Hawke we'd get out of here."

Ha! Finally found it. The small vial filled with blue glowing substance. Lyrium. I drank it and felt how mana was replenishing. Only now, I was beginning to feel pain from my wound on left arm... not to mention burns I received. Fenris started pacing, putting weigh on the healed leg. "Try moving for me while I heal myself. I'll be watching."

He shook his head, but started walking around me. I was certain Justice wasn't happy that I got burned. I touched the places slightly and it stung like one thousand needless. "Andraste's hairy legs!" I screamed in frustration as I observed my injuries more closely. I caught glimpse of the elf's amused smug. He's probably happy about my misfortune. I applied the same healing spells to my skin, sleeves pulled up to the elbows. The burns weren't so bad. In a few days they'd vanish completely. Pain washed over me. Upon closer inspection, I was indeed bleeding from a similar wound the elf had. Fucking dragon must have scraped my chest when he threw me to the rocky wall.

As for my wound on chest... I'd have to lose my coat and shirt in favor of healing. I eyed the elf who paced around, looking at me, fixated even. "Could you... look away?" As soon as I said those words, I regreted them. I had him take off his leggins... and I can't shed of my upper clothes?

"A mage and a prude. That's rare nowadays. You have nothing I didn't see, mage." He stated and I was inclined to agree. We're both men. I protested as if I was a maiden virgin. Dear Maker, you love tormenting me, do you? It was silly of me. Now he'll surely look at me. I started undressing, the feathered coat came down as first and I noted the sharp intake of breath from the elf who stopped walking. My fingers struggled with the shirt as it was half soaked in my blood.

Either my senses were dulled or maybe the Grey Warden thing saved me from expiring from blood loss. I began the healing process, closing my eyes shut. I had to block out the image of the elf's tatooed legs out of my mind. Justice certainly didn't approve of such thoughts, not when he was borrowing me his power right now.

A ginger touch.

I opened my eyes, bewildered at the elf, who stood before me. He was touching my face and he had that "you kicked my puppy" expression. "I remembered our conversation from yesterday when you threated my wound. My approval is that important for you?"

I shivered because of his touch. My concentration broke, my voice hitched somewhere in throat. Is it so important to me? "And what if it were? You said to Varric you'd never accept a mage for a lover, much less someone like me. I have to come to terms with the fact."

His eyes narrowed and he flinched his hand from my cheek. "You're giving up?"

"I am not giving up. Just accepting how things are."

"And that's different than giving up?"

"It's called consideration. I won't force my feelings on someone who clearly doesn't want them."

His expression was solemn as he turned on his heel. "We've wasted enough time. You're healed, I am healed, then let's get moving. Hawke and others will be waiting for us." His voice was rigged with self – loathing or regret. "Fenris..." I touched his hand and he forced to stand up and pushed me into the walls of cave, I yelped at his insane strength he shoved me into the wall with. The elf's gloved hands dangerously close to my heart. "Say no more, mage." He closed the gap between us and warm, surprisingly soft lips latched into mine. Sweet Maker! His tattoos started glowing, enveloping us in an intimate lighting. The kiss itself was fantastic. His hands snaked up, moving up my abdomen, belly and chest until they reached the nape of my neck and there he planted a wet, lusty kiss. Inwardly, I moaned in my mind.

This cannot be happening. The elf hates me, everything about me. He'd never kiss me, less do... "Nnh.." I couldn't hold in my voice anymore. His satisfied smirk proved me this was reality. Then, his curious fingers wandered by the hem of my breeches. I held in a gasp as we were practically pressed together and I could feel how hard the elven warrior was. Before he could proceed, the exhaustion and blood loss took hold of me and I was losing rapidly control over my body. I languished into his arms, my vision darkening. I caught his worried expression. "Can't...tired." Were my last words before I truly lost consciousness.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of something being shattered and a loud swear. With sheer willpower, I sat up and waited for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. I was on a bed in a... house. It was relatively clean. My wound! I checked my chest and it was neatly wrapped in bandages. I poked near the wound. "Ouch." It still hurt. My pouches were nearby on a small bedside table. Elfroot potion should do the trick... I grabbed the small bottle and drank its contents in two gulps. The taste was... aquired, but it'll help me in a day.

My hands dropped the empty bottle on the ground, where it shattered to pieces. The recent events came rushing back to me as in a lucid dream – the dragon, rock rubble, healing... the kiss. My exertion and passing out. With the elf's hands in my breeches.

I buried my face in a pillow, ashamed.

Footsteps nearing the door. I was sure I was in the elf's home. He came in without knocking and he snorted as he sat down on the big table in corner... bowl with... food. My stomach grumbled. "You're finally awake. Hawke and others came to see you. You were out for three days."

Three days? I slept through three whole days? I must have lost much blood. I moved to sit on the edge of bed. "Who came to see me?"

He stared at me before he took the bowl and a spoon and walked to me. I took it from him, gratefully. "Thank you."

The elf walked to the door, where he leaned on the wall, looking at me. "Hawke came here in tow with Varric, asking if I killed you and if I am hiding the corpse in my manor from their eyes. It was quite amusing when they saw you snoring deeply with a rather content grin."

I slept with a content grin? That didn't happen since I joined Wardens. "Don't look too much into it. It felt nice sleeping in a normal bed without fleas for once. That and I really was tired. As in tired to the bones." I said and started munching. It was s stew with some unidentified meat. It tasted strange, but I have eaten far worse things in my time with Wardens. Fenris shifted, one leg straightened the other bent against the wall. "Then in came Aveline, Isabela and the witch. They asked me if I did something to you."

You did do something, blasted elf. Getting and injured, overexterted man hard and bothered. A simple look we shared and my heart jumped in my chest, as if it was trying to run away. I said to him I won't force my affections on him, but he initiated... something back in the cave. Speaking of the cave..."Uhm, Fenris? How did I get back to Kirkwall?" I asked him politely.

He scoffed. "How else, mage? I carried you. I promised Hawke we would both make it out. I wasn't intend on going back on my word."

"Sure, I know you hold great deal of respect for Hawke, as do I... but was it only because of that?" I was too hopeful for something that would never work out. A mage hater and apostate? Something like out of the romance books Varric's writing. The elf's legs crossed the distance and he stood above me, looking at me with that gaze "you kicked my puppy" again. "If I weren't a slave to mages... if you weren't a mage... things would be different. As how it is, I cannot get past this hate. I tried to hate you, partly I do. But lately..." His voice died out and I put the bowl aside, holding his hand. "You could have left me there. You had so many opportunities to kill me or let me be killed. If you truly hated me, you'd left me to my fate. Hawke's friendship didn't have anything to do with it, Fenris. You love me."

He shook my hand off, backing away. His outer irises widened in shock, realization. "No, you're wrong. I hate mages. I hate you!"

"There is a thin line between hate and love. We're on the boundary between the two now. Only we can decide which side we will ultimately choose. I wanted to deny, deny and deny till the end of the world my feelings. And I'll continue denying them. I am not a monster that takes whatever it wants, destroying and claiming."

Fenris's complexion changed all of sudden and he shoved me into the bed. I groaned at the impact and whimpered when he sat down on me, pinning down my wrists. "You won't deny anything. I won't let you." With that, he dropped on me, carefully avoiding my healing wound on chest, continuing his attack he started in the cave. It was rough and lustful. My initial protests vanished inside his mouth. His hands traveled from my stomach down, down. I gasped. Maker! The elf shed off the gloves and his fingers reached into my breeches and smallclothes, searching. He found his target and I was in awe and unnatural fear took me over. I've angered him somehow. Me and my big mouth. Now he's gonna rape me... like the templars did. No, those unpleasant memories had no place in my life. He stopped, taking a look at my face in disbelief. "Why are you crying? Am I hurting you?"

He stopped. Unlike the ruthless bastards, he stopped. Something wet was on my cheek, slowly descending down until it fell on the sheets. I... was crying. Talk about lame. I am a grown man. Men shouldn't be caught crying. It was disgraceful. I wiped the remnants away. "You... stopped. A memory came to me... when I was... raped by templars. They came into my cell one day... nine of them. They... held me down, beat me until I couldn't fight back and then..." My voice was trapped. I couldn't say it. It was as if I was reliving that horrendous night again. I blocked it out successfully for many years, but this may have triggered it to resurface.

A caress on my cheek, and the big green eyes gazing into mine. I saw my mirror image in them. "I am not a templar, mage. And I know that fear you speak of all to well. Do you think Danarius treated me better than a templar would an escaped mage?"

I was appalled and disgusted at once."You...too?"

He nodded shortly. "I was a slave. I couldn't defy my master. I was his property."

I laughed bitterly. "Here I am, having a mental breakdown and you have suffered far worse than me. You're very brave."

"Bravery? I was a spineless coward. But I'll be ready for that son of bitch and I'll tear out his spine and black heart myself. You have endured if not worse, mage, the way you go on hours and hours about freedom and mage's plight. Only a man with a past like mine would be so angry. Righteously angry. Like when I see slavers, I want to slaughter them. I am not condemning your methods or agreeing with them either. There has to be another way. Stop thinking about others and live for yourself."

Live... for myself? Is that so easy? Can I be so selfish ever again? Like before I joined the Wardens? Where is that Anders? "These memories are haunting both of us. Let us make new ones."

Was he suggesting what I though he was?

"I... I don't know if that's a good idea, Fenris...for many reasons."

"Like what?" He asked, narrowing the eyebrows of his at me. I sighed."I am sick and tired of being used and then tossed away after one night. I want someone who would stay with me and I know you can't be that person and I have no means to keep you bound to me." I spoke softly, the loneliness I felt was real. I've been abandoned after one night so many times... and each time it was worse for me. They all left me – some like Isabela wanted just "fun," some wanted only my body and that was it.

He grabbed my wrist and forced me to look at him. "Even if this is a mistake... I want to clarify what is this feeling. We've crossed the line. Let me."

Let him. I yearned for this moment and when it came, it became like this. Addled with fear and more doubts. His touch was like a burning sun, melting down all the defences left. I reciprocated the touch and cupped his face, brushing away a stray strand of silver hair. "I'm yours." My voice was riddled with carnal want I haven't felt before.

Fenris's body was so close, so much close the heat from his body was making me shiver in anticipation. This wasn't enough. I yanked him even closer, pulling him with me when I laid down on the bed, with him on top. He let out a startled whimper that I silenced with my lips on his. Something poked me into my chest, right into the wounded area. I winced and made probably a pained grimace because the elf looked at me curiously and partly sat up. We realized what it was – his spiked armor. He grunted and sat up atop me, shedding off his plate, gauntlets and when he went for leggins, I grabbed his hands partway. Fenris eyed me, amused. "Having second thoughts, do you?"

"No, I wanted to do you a... favor first. Let me do this." I said, somewhat ashamed. The elf didn't know what I had planned. I didn't want "pity sex" as our first time. I wanted "rough and hard". So, figured I should get him in the proper mood. He let me struggle with his leggins, I took my time sliding them off that beautiful, well – formed and muscled body. Man had to be a fool not to find this elf attractive. I only hoped he would find me as attractive as I find him. To my surprise, he had nothing underneath. I smirked at him and the elven warrior blushed slightly, the red tinted his ears. "I did some... laundry, mage. And I couldn't find a spare pair. " He informed me of his predicament.

"I am liking what I see, don't worry. Now..." His cock was far larger and thicker as one would image for such a lean, lanky elf. It was arousing me and Maker, I couldn't wait to have it inside me, the elf fucking me to the mattress, me moaning and writhing for more. "Go and sit down on that chair, please."

He complied silently and I watched that fine ass as it moved. The tattoos were slightly glowing, his eyes glassy. With determination, the distance was closed, legs on the cool floor, hands wrapping tentatively around the elf's flaccid cock, mouth open and hungry lips kissing, teasing. The elf's breathing became ragged.

More kisses, searching for the best spots, also enjoying the taste that screamed Fenris for me. He shut his eyes and when I stumbled upon a lovely vein, his cock sprung to life, breathing became erratic on both sides. He took in air sharply, gritting teeth as he grabbed the back of my head, my eyes widened as my mouth swallowed his length. Too bad my gag reflex gained the upper hand as I withdrew, coughing.

Fenris looked amused by my action. "What's with the favor you spoke of, mage? I am waiting."

When my coughing subsided and tears stopped welling up in the corner of eyes, I glared at him. "I was about to, but you ever heard of the reflexive protective mechanism called gag reflex? I am sure you were not taught about such things, but I am a healer and let me tell you it's not pleasant -"

"Stop lecturing me. I won't do it, in return stop torturing me."

That sounded reasonable.

His smug expression stayed, but for how long? Oh no, I'll wipe that smug off his face. If my previous adventures in beds with women and men alike taught me something, it's that you make them so horny, they won't stop until you're spent for two days straight. It was far better... or worse with men. The vigor was something, let me tell you.

Not that I complained.

And with this elf, whom I wanted to be my last partner, I had no other intentions than to please him.

My fingers returned to his eager cock, the tip was brimming. It must be painful. Maybe release would be welcome? I opened my mouth again and took it in, relishing in the feeling, of the slightly leather -y taste of his leggins mixed with sweat. I moaned, erotically enthralled to the taste, wanting more of it, licking along the shaft, and don't forget the balls, tickling them with breath and kissing.

The elf above groaned from suppressed sexual want, restraining himself probably from taking me right now. Don't be impatient, my elf. Once you come in my mouth, you're free to indulge me in your sexual fantasies. I will gladly oblige. He griped the chair and bit down on his lip, hands in my hair, jaw clenched, brows twitched in a... I hoped that was pleasured expression. Hard to tell really.

"Kaffas, mage!" He yelled out, opening his eyes, observing me. I increased the suction and I had the elf where I wanted. Then, when our eyes met, I saw in them something I wanted to see – pure lust. Lust telling me he wanted me badly. His cock twitched in my mouth and the elf shuddered. In that moment, the warm lukewarm liquid spread and I swallowed, the elf gazing at me the whole time. "Venhedis! Fasta vass!" His slick length escaped from my eager mouth and I knew the elf was far from sated.

I rose up and wiped my chin of his cum that spilled, stripping of my clothing. I laid on the bed, legs wide open, fingers stretching on the cavern where he would enter me. It was an open invitation I knew he couldn't resist, not after our little foreplay. "Come and fuck me, Fenris. Bury that cock in my ass."

He growled and the sexual haze strengthened, his long legs traipsed to the bed, where he stood and hovered, looking at me. "You want it,do you?"

I licked my lips. "For a long time, actually. Now, what are you waiting for? Now who's the tease here?" I said playfully, waiting for his reaction. He didn't disappoint, laying down between my legs. "You asked for it, mage." He growled, lining up, his fingers intertwining with mine. I grinned. He had no sense of humor, but I'll remedy that in time.

His cock buried itself inside me and I arched my back at the sharp pain I felt. It traveled from spine to lower regions, where it... heated up. Andraste's burly breasts! This was unlike anything I expected. "Ugh.. fuck." I let out a soft grunt. "Mage? Can I continue?" His voice was strained, his body stiff, waiting for my approval.

"Maker, yes! And don't stop to ask, just fuck me!" I yelled out, frustrated at the elf who chose the wrong moments to be considerate. "Someone is quite demanding..." He said and then resumed thrusting in and out, in and out in a deliberately slow motion. "Dammit, faster! I can take anything you dish out, elf. Don't hold back on my account."

He complied and fastened his pace, thrusts were aimed more deep, more precise. I found my nails dug into his tattooed back, legs wrapped around that lanky body. Maker, I never wanted to let go. He lifted me up and I pressed against the nook of his neck, moaning in delight, high on pleasure.

Fenris's grip on my sides was strong, lifting my left leg and placing it on his shoulder. This position allowed him even better and deeper access and he took the chance. My eyes widened when he slipped so far in only his balls were visible. I gasped at the feeling of his cock so deep inside me, stretching. Oh, shit. I was probably drooling, hope he didn't mind it much. "Come for me, Anders." he murmured in my ear.

I barely noticed he said my name as the ecstasy I was on would send me directly to Maker if Fenris didn't stop soon. It wouldn't be a bad death, though. The tension in my stomach was too great to bear; I came hard on our chests, yelling his name.

Fenris followed suite soon after, his cum filling me. Some may have dripped on the sheets, but neither did care. We were still high on the sexual afterglow – I still didn't feel like I had enough of this elf. He was about to exit my body, but I turned the tables on him. Now he was on the bottom. "What is it, mage? Still not enough?"

I nodded. "Not nearly enough. I've lain awake, aching for you for much longer than you can imagine."

"So, my mage is not done yet? So the stories of the Grey Warden's stamina were not over exaggerated, I see."

A snort left my mouth. This elf is too much fun! Time to shut him up. I leaned downwards, kissing him. Fenris didn't want to stay on the bottom, because he sat up with me and held me in place. "I like it better up close." Was his explanation for lifting me up as if I weighted nothing and impaled me on his half hard cock. I mewled and recoiled, my muscles tightening on the strain, at the same time making room for the lovely intrusion.

He repeated the same, each time the thrusts cutting in deeper, hitting the bundle of nerves that almost send me to Maker second time in row. I rolled my eyes in bliss, holding unto the elf who fucked me like his life depended on it, grunting and moaning in my ear.

This was so erotic. So intimate.

And far better than any of my "adventures" in the past.

We came simultaneously, staining his already dirty sheets even more. More than sated, I scooted into his embrace, panting. He slid out and let me cuddle with him. I blinked at this and giggled between regaining my composure. "Hahaha, oh, forgive me. I never thought you would ever let me cuddle with you, even after sharing a wonderful sex session."

His old scowl returned, but did nothing to eject me. "So, have I made better memories for you?"

Lips curled up, fingers poking and encircling around his nipples. "Oh, you can't imagine. This had to be the most satisfying coupling I've ever had. To return the question – how was it?"

Fenris grinned."Why ask, if you know the answer, mage? It was oddly the right thing to do and most satisfying, as you said. The only question is what we're going to do from now on. Do you want us to stay together?"

Serious talk. I knew it would come, but not so soon after the ravishing. "All on me, then?"

"Should it be all on me? I want to hear what the spirit thinks about this. Will you abandon your cause for me? I don't want to see you killed for it."

"Justice doesn't say anything strangely, he's quiet. Probably still high on sex. But I, Anders want to be with you. I've wanted that since I first met you, descending the stairs to Alienage. But you know that outside the Circle of Magi, I am an apostate? Doesn't that concern you? When it Maker forbid came to running away from templars, would you willingly come with me? Or worse, if the bastards caught me...would you rush to my rescue? Would you be my shining knight in armor?"

"I cannot say what tomorrow will bring. No one can. I just want to be with you, it took me so long to figure out these confusing feelings I have mistaken for hate. But..." He kissed me fiercely, squeezing my hands. "I'm with you. If you decide to continue with your cause, I'll... back you up in any way I can. If you decide to run, I'll run with you, somewhere where no one can find us. I will protect you, Anders." He said calmly and tears started to flood. I was never so touched by words. "You'd sacrifice anything and everything for me? Do you love me that much?"

He kissed the salty droplets away, hands snaking on my cheek. "So much it hurts, but it would hurt more being separated from you."

This was his way of declaring love. The elf held on to his pride, but it was sweet of him nevertheless. "I love you." I declared my own feelings for the elf and I buried myself into his chest, wrapping around him. He caressed me, whispering soothing words. It was... calming. Then his words turned into humming. I felt so safe, secure and loved by this elf, who suffered if not worse before he escaped from Tevinter.

I was lulled to sleep by Fenris's deep voice, humming a melody I didn't know, but heard before once or twice in the camps we made in wilderness.

* * *

When the mage fell asleep, I scooted him in my arms and went with him for my bed. This one was soiled, I'll have to wash the sheets, before Hawke makes any smart remarks about white stains and I'll blush like a fool. It could wait, though. I gently brought my mage to my bed and gently put him down. I should clean him, then myself and go to sleep, preferably next to him. I didn't want Anders to think I left him alone.

I went for a cloth and dampened it, sitting on the bed and cleaning my mage dry. Then it was my turn. When it was done, the cloth was tossed into the laundry along with the dirty sheets from the adjacent room.

He was sleeping soundly and the same content smile I saw before was back, but it was even more beautiful and sweet. This mage was unlike any I met previously. Few fought only for personal gain, yet Anders fought for others. And now, I would fight for him, may it lead where it may. Even to depths of hell as long as we'd stay together.

Anders changed positions, laying on right side. I chuckled and joined him, tucking the sheets over us and wrapped my hands around that waist, planting a soft kiss on his forehead. "Sweet dreams, amatus."

The mage didn't respond, but even in sleep, he knew I was close by. He nuzzled close and I felt like I found something better than I hoped for – home.

Even if we'd end up dying, I'll be by his side to the very end. A man has to fight for what is in his heart.


End file.
